A New Life

Its been a really long time since I wanted to write anything... I lost my best friend and the holidays have come and gone. I'm still working and trying to be a great mother, I'm also trying to be the best girlfriend I can be..


Life seems so sad when you lose someone and I still don't really know how to deal with that loss I ust wish I could have done something but I know I couldn't have.. He will never be forgotten and will always have a place in my heart, he was truly my best friend and I will probably always miss him.. With time though my wounds will heal.. I have been strong with handling this and I know that I did what was right for me when I was mourning him. I didn't go to his funeral which I don't regret at all.

Now things with John are amazing still. We had such a great Christmas together and I finally got to meet his faily with meant the world to me. This summer we should be getting a place together and start a life together. Someday I hope to be a family with him and Julie because I know we would be a good one and I would have the stability I have always wanted. He is more than I could have ever asked for. He does so much for me and always makes sure I'm happy. He is everything I never knew I wanted and I cant wait to see where this is all headed..

As for everything else that iwll come another time and as another story. With every word I wrote today IO feel better about my life.. 2010 wasn't so bad I met one great man and lost another but life goes one...

Fall Days

The day keep getting cooler and before I know it winter will be here... I love the fall weather and the days I spend with my daughter Julie and the wonderful weekends I spend with my amazing boyfriend..

These days I'm working in being a more responsible person and a better mother. I am also working on being a good girlfriend and a good best friend, I need to be able to blend all these jobs together instead of it being a juggling act and stressing myself out. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job at it and I'm neglecting some of what I need to be doing with either not working hard enough to be a good mom or feeling like I could be a better girlfriend and maybe make for effort towards everything.. With my best friend I feel like I am not talking to him enough and that I could lose him if I don't pay attention to what is happening around me..

But these are just fears I have and I cant let them ruin the happiness I do have and I should try to forget my worries about all these things and live my life because everyday I am told I'm a great person and I do a great job at everything I do. So all I can do now is keep going and just let the stress fall away..

New Beginings

I never believed that people could start over and be accepted even though they have a shady, unforgettable past. The fact is most people in this world will judge you for the wrong choices you have made and a few good ones wont. The good ones know that because of all of it you wouldn't be the person you are today..... And I was wrong I now know that with in almost two month time I have been given a new chance at being happy and being looked at like I was a beautiful person again. I have met one of the good ones who has changed my life for the better.

I still don't trust many people or even like them but so far I love everything that has happened, I am also coming to terms with the things that has happened to me and all the choices I've made, the fact is everything really does happen for a reason.

Now that all the bad has happened and left the good can come though...

I have also changed my mind about a lot of things now in hope that someday all the decisions I make now will change my life and make my daughter's life better in the future. Everything is only going to get better as I slowly get put back together from the shattered girl I used to be, to be a strong young woman and great mother..

A Better Life

Somehow my life has gotten better in a weeks time and I seem to be happier, still depressed but happy never the less. I am enjoying what has been happening and it might not kill me to be nicer to everyone now. This means that because life is somehow getting better for me then maybe it will get better for my friends and family too, I sit here thinking how quickly everything can change for just one person in the simplest way.

I look at my life and realize that not everything is just crap anymore and I'm not just doomed to fail at life like I have thought for the past few years. My life isn't just one big epic failure after another, there is hope still that I can get my life together.

I could be once again the girl with the smile on her face and happiness in her life. Or it could just all go horribly wrong but I try to be optimistic about it.

3 Years Later

It has now been 3 years since my daughter was born and I am so happy that she is in my life. So many things have changed in the 3 years, like where I live now and how I am with my family. I have moved 4 times since she was born and so far Ohio isn't half bad because I have met people that I can actually stand and enjoy talking to and being around. :)

I'm kinda picky when it comes to people and wanting to be friends with them. Also I am a lot nicer being here, I'm enjoying the person that I am becoming. The person the I was when I was younger back when I was nice and sweet to people instead of just wanting to hurt them as much as they hurt me. I used to be so manipulative and conniving, I still am that person sometimes even though now I am working really hard not to be.

With my family now I seem to act nicer even though I need to work on it still. I have a hard time dealing with them and they have the worst time dealing and living with me. I know that I can be a pain in the ass, still sometimes its just the mood I am and they have now learned not to take it personally.

This has been an interesting 3 years and I hope that it just gets better because I have hit my all time low, my rock bottom so I must be able to just go up from that..

Cheats and Lairs

In this world there are some many cheats and liars that get away with so much... I am so tired of people hurting one another to get what they need, what happened to people being honest and kind?!?!

Life had seem to make a turn around for my family but nooo a thief had to steal what was rightly my mom's and it would have made our lives easier. I have always seen my family struggle financially and it hasn't been fun to watch between all the fighting and anger..

I just don't understand why people need to steal from others and why someone can follow someones last wishes when they die, it is so wrong and heartless to do something like that. But anyways there isn't anything I can do myself but hope that someday karma will hit them in the face for all the bad they have done in this world.

SOOOOO PISSED AT THE HUMAN RACE!!!!!

Cazy Life

No matter what I seem to do my life seems to be crazy. Its either the people in it that make it crazy or the things that just seem to happen with me.

My life just changes everyday even if it is just is small ways, I am not the person I was 5 years ago or even a year ago when I look back on it. But it is the crazy people that have helped mold me into the person I am today...
Not all these people are in my life anymore but not because they have died or anything but because they chose not to be. I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of and I use to be a very evil person..

For the most part I am a good person who just wants a life someday of normalcy not that I want it anytime soon but someday it would be nice to have a home and be able to cook, clean and be a great mom and I know that takes time and I am going to wait as long as I have to till I have it. Just someday I would like that life and I would love to truly love someone and have them love me in return...